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Wednesday April 23,
2008
I can't get no ... *
1) Penile panic - 2) Paying money to give
our water to Nestle's - 3) Can't get enough of your brain, honey
** - 4) Can't get a doctor if you're dying - 5) Can't think of a good
reason to can Bill C-10 - 6) Can't stop remembering old songs
Some things are never small enough, and some are never big
enough, and nothing is every easy enough. And very few people
have so much money they can pay any price at all for food and water.
1) Penis
theft panic in Congo (Reuters)
Rumors
of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic
Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants.
They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to
beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.
I suppose
this is intended to show the irrationality of religion. On this
side of the world, though, you don't have to be religious to have
perpetual penis panic - you just have to have the appendage. Size
is
everything everywhere (the Guiness Book of Records is all about size
and quantity, not quality), and the risk of loss of eyesight is no
deterrent to the prodigious use of the latest magic
potion.
But now maybe there'll be less sharing of taxicabs, and just generally
a distance kept from anyone wearing a gold ring - like one's
wife, for instance, which a lot of married men do anyway, too often
because
of boob size. There's a pill for that, too.
I wonder how well it sells in the Congo.
2)
Pat yourself on the back for your generosity
Ontarians:
Nestle
Canada Inc. was recently
given the green light to take 1.3 billion litres of groundwater a year
from an area near Guelph for only the cost of a $3,000 application fee.
(CP)
And then
you turn around and pay Nestle for the privilege of drinking it out of
their bottles, while your taxes pay for the purification of your tap
water. Do Ontarians have more money than horse sense? If
so,
then I wish them more of it because they're going to need it.
I was looking at the different brands of sunflower oil at my
supermarket
yesterday and, free gratis, a nearby floor manager let me in on the
news that the
store's prices are about to go "way up". He and I agreed
that (while some people think size is everything) oil is
everything and oil is the reason for everything. I mentioned that
agriculture is being supplanted by biofuel production and he nodded and
said, "The farmers think it's great because they'll make a lot of
money."
I hope the farmers make enough money to be able to feed their families
when the real crunch comes - and I don't mean Crispy Crunch which
also ain't what it used to was (in case you're interested)..
Speaking
of CC:
3) Have you seen the
new TV commercial for Crispy Crunch? Most people think it's
just plain weird, but I find it refreshingly honest. Everybody's
out for a chunk of your brain - including your
family doctor and
the government.
By the way, if you click on that last link, take a gander while you're
there at the long
string of ads that Google inserted in the left panel of the page.
And speaking of doctors (see, already I've forgotten about Crispy
Crunch):
4)
Quite a few of them are refusing to accept patients who have a history
of cancer. (Canwest)
Can you blame them?
It's no fun having a patient you can't just say, "Try this" to.
Better
the ones
who only worry about the size of things. When an uncle of mine
was in the final throes, his doctor took off to the cottage where he
couldn't be reached. Good for the good doctor, and too bad for my
aunt
who thought he was their friend. Too bad for people everywhere
who
think they're their doctor's favourite patient.
Better not think
at all, like some Harperite cabinet ministers:
5) Josee
Verner seems to assume that everybody is as one-faceted as she gives
every
indication of being. She assumes a foreign filmmaker protesting
Bill C-10 (PopJ)
doesn't understand it. She says: but it doesn't apply to
foreign film makers. She doesn't realize there's a principle
involved and that some people care about principles. That's why Harper
will never kick her out to the benches.
6)
* My header today was inspired by the Rolling Stones hit tune: "I
can't get no satisfaction".
Well, actually the news inspired me to recall those lyrics. And
the
bit about brainwashing ads called to mind ** Barry White's tune: Can't
get enough of your love honey.
I"m not the only who gets reminded of songs. Check out today's Comments
for two more songs matched up with news items. NDP leader Jack
Layton's credibility is "slip
sliding away" as he criticizes the Durbin
Conference on Racism without coming right out and saying he's
asceered he'll lose "the Jewish vote". And Sarkozy's flip flop on
China is due to what makes the world go
round.
It's chilling how prophetic the lyrics of those old songs are - and
everybody loved those songs! But few seem to have absorbed their
meaning. The rest just keep sleepwalking toward the precipice.
==========================
Join the
Caravan to End Canadian Involvement in
Torture, Toronto-Ottawa, May 1-9. More
info
yayacanada
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